Wednesday, 27 February 2013

oscar's frocks : aka the frockscars 2013

Once again, it's been yonks since I've found the time and inclination to post - yonks, in case you didn't know, is somewhere between ages and a lifetime. In the meantime, the shop website, in its first iteration, is up. Next step is to get the online shop open. I have a new admiration for those who manage to make these kinds of things look easy - and a new appreciation for all those years where I just went to work and got paid regardless of the effort put in!

But effort is what is required now - my sister blackmailed me by posting on Facebook that she was really looking forward to the post Oscars frock review, since that's what the Oscars are all about, after all. Frocks, for those that are overseas, are the same as dresses. But not in the same vernacular as yonks, in case you were wondering. Although, to be fair, I'm pretty sure 'frock' probably made it into the dialect on Downton Abbey, in which case all American readers will manage just fine, since most err'body over there seems to be addicted. 

So then, this year didn't seem to be so very different from the years before...although Angelina's right leg was missing, probably at home with the other one. There were plenty others ready to step in though - Naomi Harris did a good job. I thought her dress was pretty on her - interesting detailing, but am undecided on that colour. It's not a colour that many could carry off so beautifully...
But it was seconds after that that she nearly brought more than just her leg to the party! 
Gulp. Brave lady. And potentially blind photographer after that flash!

Jessica, Heidi and Renee came dressed *AS* the Oscar statuette...
Jessica looked the best out of all of them, although that colour probably would have been more arresting on Naomi Harris. Heidi was close if only she had done something better with her...hair. 
That's not what you thought I would say but it was too obvious to lead with breasts! 
Only Brandi Glanville managed to out-breast her (Can breast be a verb? I didn't use to think so but wait till you see this!)
I suppose if your frock is beige the only thing to do to guarantee lots of photo opps is to get it in a smaller size? 

Catherine Zeta Jones was the one who rocked the nudie-gold colour for me...that's proper Hollywood movie star glamour, although it might have been one she's worn before. How insanely beautiful is her hair? And she looks like she belongs in that pose, with her chin slightly up, gaze far away, not trying too hard like some of the others:
I wondered if Jen was test driving a new fuller silhouette given that she's supposedly in bride mode now. Her unstructured hair let her down when I compare it to Catherine ZJ's loose locks that still look so tamed  and glamorous without being uptight. Still, Jen looks pretty in a dress that is so far from her usual sleek silhouette...

I liked Jessica Alba's coral frock which fitted nicely - particularly compared to others, like Reese Witherspoon. Jessica's hair and jewellery are both just perfect for Hollywood royalty too- the handbag is a little more Poundland though: 

While I liked both Paz Vegas and Leslie Mann's dresses that were a nod to the 70's - although not the shoes Paz chose, nor the colour of Leslie's dress - I thought that they were probably more suited to ladies-that-lunch parties than Oscar parties:

Halle Berry and Jane Fonda were 10 years further on into the 80's with their Atelier Versace Dynasty-esque frocks:
I keep looking at these and thinking it weird that I like Jane's yellow number, even though the colour is so hectic, while I just don't like Halle's at all. I think it's the cinched waist thing that works for Jane, while the black and silver straight lines and changing curves on Halle's somehow look more like the tyre treads I've seen in too many CSI episodes. I think maybe it's just too old for Halle. And at 75 Jane is the epitome of Hollywood glamour.
At the Vanity Fair party, Lily Collins manages a similar type dress so much better - in such an arresting colour and softened with lace... another winner in proper Hollywood glamour stakes: 
Somehow it even works with her Friedo Kahlo hair & brow vibe, and she rocks those dark gothic finger nails in a way that Kristen Stewart wishes she could. Kristen wore Reem Accra - one of my favourites, but in her usual wish-i-was-elsewhere, can't-be-bothered way, she looked super uncomfortable in it. Or maybe the dress was super uncomfortable to have her inside it. Either way, they each look like they're going separate ways.
Of course, the frocks that have been all over the blogosphere are those belonging to Anne Hathaway and Jennifer Lawrence. I'm pretty sure Anne's Prada frock used to be half of Gwynnie's Ralph Lauren one...both are about as flattering as each other over the chest area...
I like that Jennifer tried to do a proper glam dress - even though I'm sure it wasn't because I called her attempt in 2011 a bit too Baywatch:
And after seeing this on youtube I've decided that I like her *loads* and we could be besties...so unaffected and full on fun! 

Bless, the dress was a bit bridal - no wonder she fell up the stairs. Although it has to be said there probably aren't many other dresses that could make a fall look so pretty.
Tell me that doesn't look like Carrie when Big was being an idiot on their wedding day!?
Or Cinderella upon losing her shoe?

Worst dressed then?
Fay Dunaway in her washing up gloves, flats and some kind of Harry Potter cloak. 
Without a shadow of a doubt.
Closely followed by Juliette Lewis' medley of draped tablecloths...
It's clearly not even a case of hating anyone in bumble bee colours since Jane Fonda managed to rock the yellow frock - at four years *older* than Faye!

And best dressed. 
We've covered Lily Collins and my new bestie Jennifer so the only ones left to mention are Stacy Kiebler - it would be easy to say that's due to the dish on her arm, but he has obviously been hanging out too much with Brad Pitt to think that much facial hair is acceptable. It's not distinguished. It's old:
So many other dresses of a similar ilk - the beading/studding, the neckline, the waist band - missed the mark compared to this that looks like it was designed around her amazing body, long neck, slim waist, and slight curves. No wonder Grandpa Clooney knocked George out and stole his date!
and of course, my fav - each year I think that maybe she can't top the year before, or she has to let us all down at some point, but she just seems to get better and better at these things:
Charlize is probably the only one who consistently manages white on the red carpet without managing to make it look bridal. 
Talk about clever detailing - the beautiful beading on the shapely peplum of her Christian Dior gown, the sexy-yet-modest plunge at the chest, the train offsetting the straight column that still allows her to move, and cleverly keeping the jewellery away down at her wrists,  (Harry Winston is on speed dial should I ever win the lottery), when most might have chosen a big necklace given the neckline and her short hair. Instead, being so understated allowed her to show her incredibly toned arms and shoulders - probably doing more for gym sign-ups than New Year Resolutions do! Her stylist is clearly a genius, and Charlize is the perfect mix of glamorous, statuesque, pretty and fierce. Hell, she even manages to rock 3 months of hair growth and look like Hollywood royalty! 

Girl crush? 
Yip. And she's older than me. Which technically means I could look like that at 37. 

/cx

images: google search and repins.







2 comments:

Gillian said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I've been waiting for this! Browsing all the pictures on Monday made me glum as I saw far too many dresses that looked the same, badly fitted etc, but once again you've managed to highlight the best and find the worst of the worst! I think this should be your full-time job :-)

Monika Boruch said...

Hilarious post and great remarks! I totally agree and Kristen Stewart's dress looks like it lives its own life indeed!

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