It's come to my attention that I'd make a rubbish princess.
This is a pity since I quite fancy rocking some crown jewels, but it's also not that big a deal given my inability to meet Prince Charming, let alone Prince Heir-to-a-Throne somewhere.
I realised this sad state of affairs when I saw the latest photos of our pretty Princess Catherine...
You see, the thing is, I'd assume that a princess would have access to the finest fare in the Kingdom, yet she is so skinny. I could never do that. Particularly since One's day job involves going to the Polo which is really just an excuse for drinking champers during the day, wandering around whiskey distilleries, inspecting the cakes baked by the local Women's Institute, and other such activities involving free canapes...
Although I might not know exactly what it's like to rest a diamond tiara upon my head, having practiced with a cardboard one involving craft glue and glitter (a bespoke piece by the super-niece, more priceless than whatever value the Queen would like to put on hers), I'm going to make an observation.
It's March 12 today - 5 days before St Patrick's Day.
The Royal's and the Irish are chums now, following the Queen's successful tour of Ireland last year. And God knows Harry seems likely to be celebrating this national holiday that is less about a saint and more about celebrating Ireland's greatest gift to the world - Guinness.
So having married into a life of public scrutiny, to be played out in front of the world's meanest press, and into a family that has endured the drama of dealing with eating disorders before - badly - this would be a jolly good week for Kate to tuck into some Chocolate Guinness Goodness.
That'll put on the pounds.
Best part is - being a princess - she wouldn't even have to make it herself! She could just snap her fingers and it would be done!
Go on Kate - do it for you, do it for the nation, do it for our neighbouring relations.
And if you were a good and kind fairy princess, you would decree it that everyone in the whole land should eat it too.
image recipe (differs slightly from original.)