Monday, 15 November 2010

shoegate: the most important election ever to decide the fate of a bridesmaid

Once upon a time there was a brideslave who took her job very seriously.

She poured over magazine tear-outs,
assisted the bride on wedding dress try-outs,
debated fairy lights vs. candle light,
and submitted to undergo surgery for the perfect bridesmaid figure.

Okay, the last part is made up.

She would have, only the bride's father, an eminent plastic surgeon,
thought the slave was just trying to get a freebie. 

Then, after having an opinion over everything from font size on the invitations 
to what floral arrangements should be in the restrooms,
the slave found herself in a conundrum that would baffle even Imelda Marcos.
She had to choose her own shoes.



**That slave is ME.**

'Oh', you cry, 'then the plastic surgeon said no because you are *perfect* 
in every way already.'

But I'm not.
I'm only half human, half amazing.
And I'm stuck.

So, I present, SHOEGATE.

I’ve decided to do what civilised society does when it comes to
the really important decisions...



You know, like choosing the leader of a free nation;
Deciding on the course of a peace process;
Choosing which shoes for a wedding:

One woman, one vote!

These are the details that you’ll need to consider as carefully as you would manifestos in any important election:

Bridesmaid Frock is black, strapless, cocktail length.
It’s not this one, but it’s not too far from it.


We’re allowed to choose our own shoes –
you’re not voting for unrest!

Dress code: Formal

Venue: Tala Game Reserve, KwaZulu Natal, South Africa.
KZN's undisputed premier game lodge provides world class service with spectacular scenery under big African skies...



and the opportunity for extra guests during the photos...


Groomsmen Hotness Quotient: Un-established.


But hopeful.
The groom is from Wales.
And sometimes Harry, Prince of Wales, looks kinda hot:



Percentage chance of it being an amazing jump-up: 120%

Availability of great cocktails:
sufficient not to worry about shoes hurting.

So then, these are the finalists in Shoegate:




Badgley Mischka's Kassabella in Black Satin 
promise a lifetime of sophisticated sexiness.

These babies, in a satin upper and adorned with a dazzling rhinestone brooch, 
hold the promise of eternal happiness.

At 3.5inches high, they should make me around 5ft11.5, 
which I think is pretty much what Cinderella was.




Dune's Karrie Silver sandals are destined to bring pure Hollywood Glamour 
to the African bush.

Forget Paul Simon's 'Diamonds on the Soles of her Shoes'. 

I'll be celebrating the bling on *top* of these caged silver satin beauties.

At 4inches, there's potential for some pain, but I am prepared to suffer to be beautiful, and there's every chance I'll be dancing on air as they's so stunning
.







Dune's Molly O sandals invoke the style of glamorous Jackie O.

The ruched black satin peeptoe is offset with a diamante rose in this classic D'Orsay style kitten heel.

At only 3inches high, I'll be closer to being dazzled by the diamante, 
and even shorter suitors will be able to play Prince Charming. 


Price is irrelevant.
Hopefully I’ll always have feet.


Vote either via email or in comments!






Wedding images: the talented Hazel du Preez
other images: Dessy. Google. 
and Tamara Beckwith's shoe closet







1 comments:

Gillian said...

Kassabella are just too beautiful, and if you play your cards right you'd have occasion to wear them again so cost won't be an issue ... failing that you could give them to your baby sister afterwards!

Molly O sandals are also pretty, and probably a better heel height for you - but they lack a bit of "ooh" factor compared to the others
x
ps - seeing as I posted, does this mean I *win* a pair too?

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